Posted in ASHLEY IN WONDERLAND

Blue Green

I keep your text thread

As proof of our friendship 

Blue and green footage 

Of when we were thick and 

I look on the weekends 

That are dark and the moon spins 

I remember all the times

Driving by dick guys  

You said let’s give them the finger

But in retrospect, you were waving

I never thought that was strange until 

they were hassling me Mondays

And fucking you on Friday’s

You come by my house to

Grab a razor to shave before 

Your date for the weekend

I was just happy to be clued in  

See you ran with different friends 

I was just your hype man

And we grow up, I’m still just 

An ear for your drama 

Blue Honda backup, a comma

Nail salons and dreams of rings

I memorize every song you sing

So that I’m your mockingbird, mirroring 

Because I never want you to see

Anything that doesn’t please 

And look I know it was just me 

In that relationship really 

To you, I was a freebie 

A collectible you needed 

Your name should have been “me, me!”

For all the trouble you brought, we 

Trashed that old car see 

I always did what you you told me 

Running through the night we 

Were laughing and filthy 

Now you don’t talk to me 

Two babies, I’m married 

But in dreams we 

Brush past all the hurt and we 

Talk like we’re friendly 

Like you never hurt me 

I wake up bleary, I’m angry 

And it’s back to blue green

A text thread that’s empty

Just a preservation of when we 

Were riding just two deep

The car full of smoke, green

And I thought it would be easy 

Turn off the phone, please. 

Author:

I'm a 33 year old mortician and cosmetologist who is currently battling lymphedema after a gnarly spider bite. I am fat, wear a lot of makeup, live with my mother, brother, and three cats, go to Disney World a lot, and am undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder, depression, OCD, anxiety, and pre menstrual dysphoric disorder. My head may be a mess some days, but my heart (typically) means pretty well.

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