Lavender 

I used to think you lavender 

And myself a shade of blue

Because when you came round

You lit me up

And replaced my blue with you 

Lavender was all I craved 

Steadiness, warmth, and calm

When you called out to me

It was your lavender I slipped on 

You waved away my cloudy days

With just a flick of your hand

You steadied all my careless ways 

And helped me understand 

It was okay to be blue, you’d say

After your fourth or fifth beer 

Just don’t get too crazy, babe

You’d remind me with a jeer

I lay with you in your bed at night 

Knowing I wasn’t the only one

Who laid at night with lavender 

True blue, I bit my tongue. 

Days to weeks and weeks to months

And now it has been years 

I’m always blue, and only blue 

Until lavender reappears 

So many times I’ve wondered 

And then I’ve stopped myself 

Was I truly blue when you found me?

Or did you declare me blue yourself?

Was it my state of being 

Or an opening you saw – 

Was I ever something other than blue

Or were you the blue one after all?

That’s the funny thing about time 

And growing past a problem 

You start to see with clarity 

You start to learn to solve them 

If I saw you now, you’d smile that smile

That you saved just for me 

And I know I’d squint and 

For just a moment 

The predator would be me

I loved you once

And I swear some days 

I wish I could turn back time

But I stop myself, remembering

How blue you made my mind 

Because that’s the thing 

That took so long 

For me to understand – 

You were the rough and bellowing sea

And I was the safety of land. 

I thought it was in reverse 

You the savior, I the damned

But when the fog cleared

And the sky beamed down 

I saw it was all lavender in my hands 

The house to ourselves, the captain’s chair 

You called me “Pink” to all your friends

A knowing look, your strut, your sway –

Third Eye Blind’s “Dopamine” on replay

The bad was bad and the good was good

And that’s all I can let it be

In the succession of your blue girls 

I never fell in line

I protested, I fought for myself 

And now color is mine 

I found out what you never wanted me to know

The truth you kept under your thumb

The lavender was always me

It was you who was blue all along 

WHAT A GEM

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How lucky was I today!? On the way home from a doctors appointment, we cut through downtown & I happened to see a store selling gemstones! We turned the car around and that’s how I found my new paradise! I’m so used to going all the way to Myrtle Beach for my gem needs, but alas – in me own backyard! The Greenville Gemstone Mine, right there on main street!

The store is wonderful and the staff was knowledgeable and friendly. I can’t wait for a return visit. Definitely check them out online or in store.

 

**Today’s haul: a selenite tower, and some gems to put in my cage necklace (amazonite, carnelian, moss agate, tiger’s eye, aventurine, moonstone, and pink opal in the middle).

XI


Yesterday was our 6 month anniversary! I can hardly believe it has been that much time – or that little! The time I’ve spent with this man has been so enriching, encouraging, fulfilling, fun, healing, and full of love. I have learnt so much and grown so much and I can’t wait to see what happens next and where life takes us. I love you, PePaw! 

GOD, I HATE SHAKESPEARE. 

Mom and I had the opportunity to go see Something Rotten at the Peace Center tonight, and lemme tell ya – I loved it.  Not only was it hilarious and such a fun adventure – ADAM PASCAL (of Rent fame) is playing Shakespeare in the touring company. ROGER, MUZETTA’S WALTZ ALL OVER ME!! 

We had such a great time and I highly recommend you see this show if it comes near you! 

I ALWAYS KNOW WHERE THE BATHROOM IS

I always know where the bathroom is
In every building that I go
I always know where the bathroom is
Because that is where I’m safe, I know

I always know where the bathroom is
Flushed red chest and wild eyes
I always know where the bathroom is
Where I can pretend I’m not alive

I always know where the bathroom is
Sweat trickling to the cold tile floor
I always know where the bathroom is
Escape just behind the lock of a door

I always know where the bathroom is
Murmured conversation all around
I always know where the bathroom is
The place where I’m allowed to be upside down

I always know where the bathroom is
Hand to the wall, breathe in, breathe out
I always know where the bathroom is
Where my mind is free to shout

I always know where the bathroom is
A concerned friend texting from outside
I always know where the bathroom is
My head pressed between my thighs, “Oh, I’m fine!”

I always know where the bathroom is
You see, that’s where I stay
I always know where the bathroom is
There’s nothing else, game over, no other way.

GETTIN’ HIGH (03/05/17)

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For Tyler’s 29th birthday, we went down to Atlanta and had ourselves a time. From staying in a swank ass room at the Hyatt and watching Star Wars movies in style to feasting at Medieval Times, it was a wonderful getaway, and hopefully a marvelous birthday! I think he really enjoyed his special day, and that’s all I could ask for!

On his actual birthday, we went to the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, which was a first for us both. UGH. HELLO, NEW FAVORITE PLACE. I was overcome!

I took a bunch of pictures of some of my favorite things that I saw at the museum – let me know what your favorite is in the comments! And sorry if I get an artist name or the title of a piece of art wrong, I’m just one gal!

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