Lavender 

I used to think you lavender 

And myself a shade of blue

Because when you came round

You lit me up

And replaced my blue with you 

Lavender was all I craved 

Steadiness, warmth, and calm

When you called out to me

It was your lavender I slipped on 

You waved away my cloudy days

With just a flick of your hand

You steadied all my careless ways 

And helped me understand 

It was okay to be blue, you’d say

After your fourth or fifth beer 

Just don’t get too crazy, babe

You’d remind me with a jeer

I lay with you in your bed at night 

Knowing I wasn’t the only one

Who laid at night with lavender 

True blue, I bit my tongue. 

Days to weeks and weeks to months

And now it has been years 

I’m always blue, and only blue 

Until lavender reappears 

So many times I’ve wondered 

And then I’ve stopped myself 

Was I truly blue when you found me?

Or did you declare me blue yourself?

Was it my state of being 

Or an opening you saw – 

Was I ever something other than blue

Or were you the blue one after all?

That’s the funny thing about time 

And growing past a problem 

You start to see with clarity 

You start to learn to solve them 

If I saw you now, you’d smile that smile

That you saved just for me 

And I know I’d squint and 

For just a moment 

The predator would be me

I loved you once

And I swear some days 

I wish I could turn back time

But I stop myself, remembering

How blue you made my mind 

Because that’s the thing 

That took so long 

For me to understand – 

You were the rough and bellowing sea

And I was the safety of land. 

I thought it was in reverse 

You the savior, I the damned

But when the fog cleared

And the sky beamed down 

I saw it was all lavender in my hands 

The house to ourselves, the captain’s chair 

You called me “Pink” to all your friends

A knowing look, your strut, your sway –

Third Eye Blind’s “Dopamine” on replay

The bad was bad and the good was good

And that’s all I can let it be

In the succession of your blue girls 

I never fell in line

I protested, I fought for myself 

And now color is mine 

I found out what you never wanted me to know

The truth you kept under your thumb

The lavender was always me

It was you who was blue all along 

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2 thoughts on “Lavender 

  1. Wow, this is amazing!!!! I love how you use color to represent your emotions and the relationship. Your words are beautiful, honest and inspiring. You deserve so much more. Wish you the best – speak766

    Liked by 1 person

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