Tag: panic attacks

Posted on in MENTAL HEALTH, writing

I ALWAYS KNOW WHERE THE BATHROOM IS

I always know where the bathroom is
In every building that I go
I always know where the bathroom is
Because that is where I’m safe, I know

I always know where the bathroom is
Flushed red chest and wild eyes
I always know where the bathroom is
Where I can pretend I’m not alive

I always know where the bathroom is
Sweat trickling to the cold tile floor
I always know where the bathroom is
Escape just behind the lock of a door

I always know where the bathroom is
Murmured conversation all around
I always know where the bathroom is
The place where I’m allowed to be upside down

I always know where the bathroom is
Hand to the wall, breathe in, breathe out
I always know where the bathroom is
Where my mind is free to shout

I always know where the bathroom is
A concerned friend texting from outside
I always know where the bathroom is
My head pressed between my thighs, “Oh, I’m fine!”

I always know where the bathroom is
You see, that’s where I stay
I always know where the bathroom is
There’s nothing else, game over, no other way.

Posted on in ASHLEY IN WONDERLAND, FANGIRLING, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, LIVE MUSIC, PHOTOGRAPHY, POP CULTURE

HAIM TIME

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feel free to click on the photos for larger sizes/a better view!

Ciera & I saw HAIM last night at The Orange Peel in Asheville. It was SO GOOD. You know how you leave a show and you’re like, “hey, that was good.” and then you don’t think so much about it again – not this. THIS WAS SO GOOD. There was so much girl power in the room, I could barely catch my breath. Those gals are TALENTED, I’m serious – youtube some of their live performances or download some of their tunes (recommendations: “Send Me Down”, “My Song 5”, and “If I Could Change Your Mind”). I’ve been waiting to see them for YEARS, and we scored close parking and a decent spot at the show – I don’t really know how much more you could ask for. Well, a diet pepsi would have been great, but whatever.

(Side note: MAJOR PROPS to The Orange Peel for fighting NC’s stupid beyond belief bathroom laws for trans individuals – they posted signs on the bathrooms telling you to choose the bathroom you wanted to use, and if you wanted somewhere safer, there was a private bathroom available. SO many kudos to them for that.)

Highlights of the night: Alana’s bad ass drumming, Este’s Prince cover (one of my favorites – “I Would Die 4 U”), and Danielle’s voice is just literally siren song. Ugh. I loved it. I had so much fun. And no panic attacks! That’s a huge plus. I can’t remember the last time I was in a big crowd and didn’t have a panic attack.

My pictures aren’t great, but I’m sharing the few that turned out to be semi-decent. Annnnnd that’s pretty much it. I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with every Haim sister simultaneously, so if someone could get a message to them ASAP so we can work something out, that would be absolutely great.